My Journey with Gregory: Living Mutual Submission
They say experience is the best teacher. While theology matters tremendously, there's nothing quite like living out truth to cement it in your heart and mind. My journey with my husband Gregory has been exactly that—a living testimony to the power and beauty of mutual submission in marriage.
Today, I want to share some glimpses into our relationship, not to hold us up as perfect (we're far from it!), but to offer a real-life picture of what Kingdom-based marriage can look like when both partners embrace mutual submission.
From Theory to Reality
When I first met Gregory, I was emerging from a traditional marriage rooted in complementarian theology—the belief that while men and women have equal value, they have different roles, with the husband as the authority and the wife as the helper/follower.
As I share in BLIND SPOT:
"I was often pressured through emotional or physical intimidation to do his will. As many of you know, when you live in a home like that, you don't want to upset the 'powerful one.' So, you and your children are constantly walking on eggshells, praying one of them doesn't crack and make him mad."
I actually served in a large marriage ministry devoted to traditional teaching on submission and headship, hoping that by submitting and by pouring into other marriages, I could transform my own. But after twenty years, that marriage ended, and I found myself single again.
Gregory's story was different. After his first marriage ended, he remained single and celibate for 23 years. During that time, he says, "God was at work transforming me." Those years of solitude and spiritual growth prepared him to love in a way that few men I've ever met can love.
When God brought us together, we both carried emotional baggage. Our first few years weren't easy—I doubt they are for any couple. We faced financial issues, ministry challenges, family concerns... you name it! But we were both determined to walk in love and to grow in understanding. Because of our pasts, we were hungry for something different—something more aligned with Christ's example of self-giving love.
What Mutual Submission Looks Like in Real Life
So what does mutual submission actually look like in daily life? Here are some glimpses into our marriage:
1. Decision-Making as a Dance
In our marriage, decisions aren't about who has the "final say." They're about seeking wisdom together through prayer, conversation, and paying attention to each other's gifts and insights.
When we were considering moving to a new home, we didn't approach it as "Gregory's decision" or "Susan's decision." We prayed together, discussed our priorities, and remained open to God's guidance through each other. Sometimes I had stronger insights; other times, Gregory saw things I missed.
We've learned that when we can't agree on big things, it probably means we're both missing something! We move forward only when both of us have peace. For smaller matters, we typically defer to each other's strengths. I'm not tech-savvy, but Gregory is. I'm more numbers and contracts oriented, so those responsibilities frequently fall to me.
This approach doesn't always take longer (unless we're both wrong and need to wait). The "I'm the head of this house, and what I say goes!" approach isn't really a shortcut if it means making huge mistakes, breaking down trust, and violating God's heart.
Our mutual decision-making produces choices that we both fully own and support. If we're right, we're right together. If we're wrong, we're wrong together. We never fall into blaming and shaming. We're rooted in unified wisdom rather than unilateral authority.
2. Flexible Roles Based on Gifts, Not Gender
Traditional gender roles would assign Gregory certain responsibilities and me others—simply because of our gender. But in our marriage, we divide a lot of responsibilities based on gifts, passions, and practical considerations.
We're from an older generation—Gregory is 68 and I'm 60—so many of our daily activities might look like traditional roles. I do most of the cooking and Gregory takes care of the vehicles and anything nasty (like yesterday's mouse in the garage!). But here's the difference between our daily activities and the traditional mindset: I don't feel like I have to cook. There are many days I don't if I'm busy at work or simply tired. Gregory is perfectly capable of fixing us food. And I would have taken care of that mouse if he wasn't going to be home soon.
It's a "get to," not a "have to."
We both always pitch in, and we're both all-in with doing life together. It's not "your job" versus "my job"... it's lending our strengths to our union, to our life.
We're currently raising our granddaughter again. We had her from age 1 to 8, and now again at 14 for the past year. As I write in BLIND SPOT:
"I can tell you that [Gregory] didn't just step up when raising a little child got easier. Nope. He was just as involved in the bottle-feeding and diaper-changing phases as he is now with a teen. It's always partnership with him."
He's all-in. And so am I.
3. Supporting Each Other's Callings
Perhaps nothing reveals the reality of mutual submission more than how we approach each other's callings and ministries.
Gregory founded Harvesting-In-Mansfield (HIM) twenty-some years ago, one of the largest private food banks and pantries in the Dallas Fort Worth area. A food pantry gives food directly to families in need, while a food bank supplies other pantries. HIM is both! Greogry has poured his life into feeding those in need for over three decades. He started by handing out bags of groceries from a church window. Now this vital HIM food ministry nourishes hundreds of families directly each month, creates thousands of backpack meals for children, and supplies food to approximately 70 other pantries throughout the Metroplex.
Meanwhile, I've built Dewbrew Realty, Inc., a successful Kingdom-centered real estate brokerage serving DFW. Not only do I assist buyers and sellers with the largest investment they will ever make, but it's home! It's the one thing that will affect their quality of life more than any other. I also teach and train other agents who work with me to live out these Kingdom business principles.
In a hierarchical marriage, these dual callings might create tension or competition. But in our marriage, they create beautiful synergy. I support his ministry to the poor, knowing it reflects Christ's heart, even though it means he doesn't make much money. It was a sacrifice of love. That's where his heart is, and I wouldn't want him to do anything else. I can make money while he fulfills a much higher calling! My financial success doesn't hurt his pride one bit because he's actually proud of me. We are one. His success is my success, and vice versa.
Together, we are building Kingdom Brewing Resources and Kingdom Brewing Ministries (a 501(c)3 charity). The heart of both is to train, equip, and bring healing to everyone, with a special emphasis on Christians. Once the Church becomes whole, it will help transform our communities and our culture. We produce books, online courses, daily devotionals, and other materials that are rooted in Scripture, delivered in love, and aren't afraid to challenge the status quo when it violates the principles of the Kingdom. Gregory and I both minister to hurting people. We both speak, teach, and write books like my BLIND SPOT and his The Daily Vitamin (volumes I and II).
Amazingly, Gregory supports my writing that challenges male authority—even though as a male minister, he could easily feel threatened by it. As I note in my book:
"Gregory is always lifting me up, encouraging me to be and do all that God has put in my heart. This even includes teaching the world that men don't have a God-given right to rule over women."
4. Navigating Disagreements
Every couple disagrees sometimes. The question isn't whether conflicts will arise, but how we handle them when they do.
In our marriage, disagreements aren't power struggles to determine who "wins." They're opportunities for us to learn to listen while frustrated—not always easy. I sometimes need time to let my emotions cool down and seek the Lord. Gregory adjusts much quicker than I do, which makes me want to do better.
Ultimately, our heart is to submit to each other and to God. If we find ourselves at an impasse on important matters, we don't resort to "the husband decides"—we wait, pray, and trust that God will guide us to consensus.
This approach initially required patience and humility from both of us. I had to resist the temptation to manipulate; Gregory had to resist the cultural programming that says he could raise his voice or use his powerful presence to intimidate me. He never tried to assert control or use the "I'm the man" card.
Now, after 14 years of marriage, it's as natural as breathing. The fruit was worth the effort it took to build unity. We honestly do reach solutions that honor both of us and, most importantly, honor God.
5. The Daily Rhythm of Serving
Perhaps what makes me most grateful is the absence of any sense of entitlement in Gregory. He doesn't expect to be served because he's the man. He approaches our relationship with the mindset of Jesus, who came "not to be served, but to serve" (Matthew 20:28). And I’m not kidding! Most of the time, it’s like living with Jesus with skin on.
Gregory begins every morning with quiet time with the Lord, crafting a short daily devotional called "The Daily Vitamin." (He posts them for free each on KingdomBrewing.com). For over fifteen years, he has faithfully shared these spiritual insights, touching countless lives with wisdom and encouragement.
One of my favorite moments each day is when Gregory wraps his arms around me and reads what the Lord revealed during his morning quiet time. This simple practice reflects the spiritual leadership Paul encouraged—not leadership of control, but loving initiative that draws others closer to Christ.
Then Gregory heads to work at the food bank, where he spends hours serving those who can give him nothing in return. This is the heart of Christ made visible—power used not to control but to lift up the vulnerable.
My Gregory daily draws me closer to Christ. The way he lives his life makes me want to bless others who could never do anything in return. He is a true servant, and that's what others, including me, want to follow. He makes me proud to be his wife.
The Freedom of Mutual Submission
The beautiful irony of mutual submission is that it creates more freedom, not less. When both partners are committed to lifting each other up rather than seeking their own way, the relationship becomes spacious rather than confining. Each person has room to flourish because each is focused on the other's well-being.
As I write in BLIND SPOT:
"Gregory is a man's man. He's six feet tall with shoulders that seem nearly as wide. He was raised in a rough area and wouldn't be afraid to fight to defend those weaker than him—which includes me. That power has never once been used to intimidate me to get his own way. Never even an insinuation of force. Not physically. Not financially. Not emotionally. Not once. Ever."
This safety creates room for authentic vulnerability and intimacy. When I know Gregory will never use his greater physical strength or societal privilege against me, I can open my heart fully to him without fear. And when Gregory knows I respect and honor him not out of obligation but out of genuine appreciation for his character, he can be authentic rather than maintaining a facade of "male leadership."
God created masculinity, and when it's authentic, it is incredibly powerful—and there's nothing toxic about it. My Gregory is living proof!
The Reciprocal Nature of Love
One of the most beautiful aspects of mutual submission is how it creates a virtuous cycle. Like a water mill, it created energy – a synergy with power in it. Gregory's self-giving love makes me want to love him more deeply in return:
"That creates in me a desire to do the same in return. His love helps me to love better. I am a better person and better wife for having Gregory love me like he does. His affection fills my love tank physically and emotionally."
This is exactly what Paul described in Ephesians 5:21-33. The husband's Christ-like love inspires the wife's respect and submission; the wife's respect and submission inspire the husband's deeper love. It's not a hierarchy but a dance of mutual honor that elevates both partners.
An Invitation to a Different Way
I share these glimpses into our marriage not to suggest we've figured it all out or that our relationship is perfect. We haven't, and it isn't. But I hope our journey offers evidence that mutual submission isn't just a nice theological idea—it's a practical, livable reality that creates flourishing relationships.
If you're in a traditional marriage and feeling the limitations of hierarchical patterns, know that another way is possible. If you're single and wondering what a Kingdom-centered relationship might look like, know that God's design is more beautiful and liberating than many have been taught.
The journey toward mutual submission may not be easy if you've been steeped in hierarchical thinking. But it's worth every step. As Gregory and I have discovered, relationships built on mutual honor and service reflect not just a better marriage model—they reflect the very heart of God expressed through Christ.
This is the truth that has been hiding in plain sight all along: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21) isn't just the introduction to Paul's marriage teaching—it's the foundation of everything that follows.
It is possible. It’s the heart of the Gospel of the Kingdom that Jesus taught and lived. It is the way! Join the renaissance. Let’s help transform the kingdoms of this world into the Kingdom of our King!
Blessings,
Susan Dewbrew