For the first 10 years following the divorce, Gregory stood believing for the restoration of the marriage until the Lord made it very clear to Gregory that he was to move on.

They have remained friendly through the years. She is a great lady and a good mother to his children. In fact, she always told Gregory, “You can’t marry someone unless we can do dishes together at family events.”

Fast forward another 5 or so years after Gregory felt the Lord release his heart from his first marriage. He began a relationship and got engaged. But, thankfully for me, that relationship ended. I don’t mean to make light of it, it was genuinely hard for him. But Gregory is such a gift to me, and I consider the end of that relationship one of my greatest blessings.

In all, Gregory spent 23 years of his life being single and celibate after his divorce. Who does that in today’s world? Only someone as amazing as my Gregory. He is loyal to the core. He was even loyal to me long before he ever met me.

To stay single that long, one has to build up walls a mile high and a mile wide. So, it took me a little while to gently pursue him before he let me in. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Before meeting Gregory, I had been married for 20 difficult years. I was in a very unhealthy marriage with a man who was self-centered, narcissistic; and had alcohol and anger issues. My children and I had to tiptoe through life so as not to set him off.  About halfway through the marriage, I left. We were legally separated, on our way to divorce.

It was during that separation that I started my walk with the Lord. I was hungry to serve God, and to do that I believed I needed to restore my marriage.

My intentions were pure, but in hindsight, my actions were not wise and caused my kids a great deal of additional pain. I took him back and stayed in an abusive marriage for another 10 years. I even volunteered quite a bit in marriage ministry thinking it would help ours, but sadly the core problems remained.

Fast forward to 2009. I was on staff at Convergence Church, and Gregory was an elder at Life Gate. Gregory would often participate in events at Convergence and we both ended up on the same 2-week mission trip to Africa to minister to large group of Kenyan youth.

They said this trip would change my life, and it certainly did. It completely changed the trajectory of my life.

I worked in the church office and helped with the details of the trip. We had 33 people going. When money came in for the trip, I noticed Gregory’s last name because it was unique. I wondered how you pronounced it. Before the trip, I saw him only time, at a prayer meeting, but didn’t think much of it at all.

The day we traveled to Africa was quite long. We flew from Fort Worth to Chicago, and then from Chicago to London which was an 8-hour flight. We had an 8-hour layover in London, and then an 8-hour flight to Kenya. Customs was a nightmare to get through.  Shewww… I now have a profound respect for those who do international travel! That was an excruciating day.

During the layover in London, I was exhausted and swollen. Jaclyn, my daughter who was with me, is a photographer and was always stopping to take pictures. So, we would tend to be toward the back of the group. Teenagers would often get distracted and fall behind too. I noticed Gregory because he would always circle back behind everyone. In a not-so-obvious way, he would be making sure no one got left behind. By nature, he is a watchman and a shepherd. He just kindly watched over everyone and made sure everyone in our herd was okay. I should interject - there was no attraction here; I just noticed what he was doing.

When we got on the flight to go from London to Kenya, we were on a widebody plane where there were two aisles. Jaclyn and I were in the middle section. Gregory was in the row right in front of me, sitting diagonal to me so I could see him through the seats. I watched him as he was talking to one youth and then turned and talked to another. He was genuinely kind and thoughtful. In the world I lived in, kindness and thoughtfulness were absent. At this point, there was no still attraction to him. There was not one thought about the man himself; it was his behavior that caught my attention.

My role on this mission trip was to teach workshops on how to hear God’s voice. So you can imagine my shock as I am sitting there watching through the airplane seats, when I hear -- clear as a bell, “He is your husband.” My initial reaction was, “Get behind me satan!” I’m like “That’s not funny!”

And why was this not funny and so shocking? So troubling?

Because I was still married! Let me tell you, this was completely outside my theological box!

As you can imagine, I was very not happy. I thought this absolutely couldn’t be the Lord. It just couldn’t be. As I sat there stunned for just a moment, my shock turned to grief mixed with anger. I knew the voice of the Lord. It sure did sound like Him.

So now I am just frustrated and confused. There was no joy in that moment whatsoever. No schoolgirl swooning, no attraction. Just exhaustion now mixed with frustration and a bit of despair.

I literally took the blanket and covered my head. Luckily, many others were doing that too so they could sleep. With my face covered, I started weeping from the depth of my being. A prayer in the form of a silent scream welled within me, “If You want me to stay like I am (meaning in my toxic marriage) for the rest of my life, you know I’ll do it! But if not, You’re gonna to have to do something about it because I’m not going to!”

You see, for me, my situation was very black and white. I was married. Period. There was no way out. God hates divorce. Period.

At that point in my life I lived by the law. I didn’t really understand grace or Biblical teachings on divorce. I could have grace for someone else’s situation. But for me, things needed to be very black and white. No grey allowed.

For the rest of the trip, I mostly avoided Gregory. I didn’t understand what the Lord meant, or if it was even truly His voice.

Sometimes when the Lord speaks, it can be symbolic and not literal. One of the things I teach in learning to hear God’s voice is not to jump to conclusions. If this WAS the Lord, I certainly doubted it was literal. Honestly, I was simply frustrated and confused. 

The mission trip was split into two parts. During the the first week, we got to visit orphanages, minister in the slums, and go on a safari. The second week we put on a youth camp for 500 Kenyan teenagers.

When we were ministering in slums, we brought people into a building to feed them. It was heart-wrenching. People were so hungry, so dirty, and so selfish out of desperation. Most of them had probably not showered in years, if ever. The smell in the building literally made many of us sick. It was so sad!

Sniffing glue is very common in the slums. It can cause brain damage and is addicting, but it keeps you from feeling hunger. Mothers were putting the glue bottles up to their babies noses to keep them from crying. Kids had it attached their clothing, so they could simply turn their head toward their shoulder and get a sniff.

Poverty and addiction created an environment of chaos, selfishness, and downright meanness. For example, as we were handing out candy bags to the kids, the parents would literally yank it out of their kid’s hands and eat it. My reaction was heartbroken on one hand and anger on the other.

When it came time to preach the gospel, Gregory started preaching on how the Father loves them. As he was speaking to them, he walked right out into the middle of the crowd. Now I am not sure if I painted a clear enough picture, but walking in a crowd of hungry, desperate, addicts can be, shall I say, dicey. They can grab you to take anything on you because they are so desperate. The whole team seemed to gasp in unison and hold their breath, worried for his safety.

I remember looking at him and wondering, “Who the heck are you?” And, “… Could that have been you, Lord, on the plane?”  And again, no physical attraction. My heart was dead. There was not going to be a physical attraction for anyone.

During the safari, I happened to overhear a teenager asking him if he was married. That piqued my interest as I strained to hear the answer. He said no and that he was waiting for the Lord to bring him his wife. Oh, how the plot seemed to thicken.

Once we arrived at the youth camp, they put us in these rough, two-story dormitories. Let’s just say even with the most gracious attempt at hospitality, saying that our accusations were “rustic” would be putting it mildly and I was not alone in saying sleep was not my friend that week.

One morning I got up really early and walked outside onto the balcony of the second floor. The sun was just coming up, and as I looked out into the African plain and saw Gregory. He had drug a folding chair out into the field and was sitting there with a Bible open on his lap. His arms were lifted high into air, with the rising sun in his face, as he was worshiping the Lord. I teared up and was like, “Yes, Lord -- a man like that would be amazing.” Still, my heart was not even close to feeling romance, but it was now intrigued.

Coincidentally, Gregory was assigned to be my anchor (the extra adult) in the ‘How to hear God’s Voice’ workshops that I led for the teens. The only engagement we had, both times, was that he said, “Good job” on his way out. He wasn’t cold, but with my having been avoiding him for the past week or so, I am sure he wasn’t picking up any friendly vibes either.

On the long trip home, I was wrestling through quite a bit. Having the Lord speak to me like that was completely outside my theological box. I didn’t believe the Lord literally meant that “He is your husband” the way I heard it. But I was beginning to believe that God was trying to tell me something.

When we got home after the two weeks, as soon as we get off the plane, my 18-year-old son’s fiancé, who was living with us at the time, runs up to me in the airport. You could tell something was up. She was overly excited in an odd way. My former husband was also there to pick us up. It was kind of surreal. Everyone on the mission trip was there greeting their family members, and I just knew something was wrong. You could feel something in the air.

Within a day or so, I got a call from one of my elders at the Church where I worked. He wanted to meet with me and my son’s fiancé. On the way into the meeting, she begins to share with me what was going on. While I was in Africa, my former husband repeatedly tried to have an affair with her.  She knew I trusted the people at this church. She met with one of the ladies there and confided in her. So, while I was gone, they called the elders and their wives together and had a conversation with her. They didn’t want to take an accusation against a staff member’s husband lightly. They believed her, plus she used her phone to record one of the conversations to have proof of her experience.

I loved that the church offered me support without any pressure to decide one way or the other. They let me know that they were behind me no matter what I chose to do. There was not one shred of the typical religious ‘Well don’t you think you should try to work things out for appearance’s sake… I mean the Lord’s sake?’

Now what the Lord said to me on that plane began to make sense. For me at that moment, it certainly had nothing to do with Gregory being a future candidate. It had everything to do with the fact that I now knew without a shadow of doubt that the Lord had spoken to me! This had not caught Him off guard. After years of striving in a toxic marriage, I had my black and white. The Lord was giving me clear permission to end my marriage.

I still had no assurance that the Lord literally meant Gregory Dewbrew. I figured it was probably that the Lord was telling me there was someone out there like Gregory for me. And most importantly at that moment, and for the first time in a very long long time, I felt I could be free.

Please hear me. Walking through the tragedy of divorce is hell. Knowing the Lord had spoken to me was like an anchor holding me steady during a horrible storm. My ex was not a nice guy, and it was a very tumultuous season. I was threatened with all kinds of difficult things. Having a word from the Lord helped my heart to know that I could release him and that my kids and I were going to be okay.

Luckily not for long. The leaders at his church were very reassuring and encouraging. He had also gone to a men’s retreat where the Lord talked to him about me.

By the end of August, within just one month, he made his decision. Gregory suggested we go out on my friend’s boat for Labor Day. He was all in! That was definitely a real date! Way better than coffee!

We were engaged in October and married in February.

It wasn’t a 10-year Joseph-thing after all! It was a suddenly that simply took a little while to come to pass. LOL!

Gregory is absolutely perfect for me in every way. He makes my heart happy! The Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He put us together. Gregory is an everyday reminder for me of God’s faithfulness and His extraordinary goodness!

P.S. In case you’re wondering, yes, his former wife likes me and gave us her blessing. We could do dishes together at family gatherings, but we usually prefer eating out. 😉

Again, sometimes when the Lord says something to you it may not be literal. So, I was still processing what the Lord could have meant on the plane. Since it was outside my theological box, I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone. After the separation in August, I created a Facebook page just so I could be friends with Gregory long distance. I was kind of stalking him from afar. 

That was in August of 2009. In October that year, I opened the Healing Rooms at Convergence. I invited Gregory, along with other ministers from around the area, to help minister. He was teaching a Sunday night group and wouldn’t be available to help until after year's end. I was legally divorced in November. He started coming to the Healing Rooms in January 2010. I was honestly curious if what I hear from the Lord was literal, but I was still dead as a doorbell inside. It had been a really painful five months. Well, let’s be real, it had been a difficult 20 years.

In the healing rooms, we would pair up ministers in groups of two or three. I assigned Gregory to a healing room with my friend Kimberly.

Now, let me reiterate. Since what the Lord had told me on the plane seemed so far-fetched, I had kept it close to my heart and had not told a soul. Not a soul.

Three times that night while they were ministering to people, the Lord told Kimberly, “He is Susan’s husband.”

When the Healing Rooms closed, as I was cleaning up, Kimberly was lingering. She kept pacing back and forth. Finally I asked, “What’s the matter with you?” She replied, “I think I have something to tell you.” Then she asked, “Who Is Gregory Dewbrew to you?” I gasped!

She pointed at me and exclaimed in astonishment, “You’re holding out on me!” Of course, trying to be nonchalant, “What? I barely know the man. I went to Africa with him, but I don’t really know him.” That’s when she told me that three different times throughout that evening the Lord had clearly said to her, “He is Susan’s husband.”

After she left, I just sat there in my car staring at the side of the church. The only thing in front of me was this huge brick wall. I distinctly remember staring at those bricks while having a one-way conversation with the Lord. I told Him that I believed Him. I now understood it was literally about this man, Gregory Dewbrew. I was willing, but with a condition.  “Lord, if this is Your will, then You are going to have to give me a heart for him because I want the whole package!” (Meaning romance, ministry, friendship -- the whole enchilada.) I didn’t want to go through what I had been through before, and not just with the presence of dysfunction but with the absence of love. Honestly, I would rather just be single.

That was in January. By March I was like a smitten teenager. It was crazy! I had his picture (which I stole from Facebook) as the background on my phone and my computer. I was constantly looking at his Facebook and couldn’t stop thinking about him. And he knew nothing about it!

We ended up both serving at the Amber Rose Healing Conference where I was working in the healing rooms and Gregory was doing security. Every chance I got, like a schoolgirl, I would be looking around for him. Peeking down hallways, looking to see if I could catch a glimpse of him. I had it bad!

We had communicated some by text because of the logistics of the healing rooms. After the conference, I texted and asked if he thought it was wrong for a girl to ask a guy out. When he replied no, I mustered up the courage and asked him to coffee. His reply was, “We’ll see.” 

We’ll see?

Just a ‘we’ll see’?! My heart wasn’t taking that well at all.

Remember, he was single and celibate for 23 years. He had built up walls of protection a mile high and a mile wide. I was not getting in easily, and I knew I couldn’t be pushy. So, I ended up on a wild roller coaster ride from March to September.

During those months, he would often text “good morning sunshine” which I would read as yes signal, but if I mentioned any kind of invite (other than in groups), there was no real response.

We developed a text-based friendship. Our point of commonality was that He had lost 100 lbs and kept it off. So, I would ask questions and he would help counsel me. I started the same program and lost 70 lbs.

I didn’t know that through the months as we got closer, he started having panic attacks. I didn’t have a clue. All I knew was that he would start to come toward me a little bit and then withdraw.

We had big conferences at my church every month back then. He would come and sit with me and my friends. I lived close to the church, so we would all go back to my house for breaks --  but we were always in a group. He never acted like we were anything more than friends. I would keep my phone face down so if it rang he wouldn’t see that he was my background picture. One day I forgot. He saw it and that made him even more cautious with me. So he drew back a bit, but then would text again.

As the months continued to move by, it came to the point where we needed to move forward or apart. My heart couldn’t take the roller coaster anymore.

At the end of July, there was a birthday party at the church on a Saturday afternoon. He was coming, and there was no reason not to have coffee or do something after. I knew in my heart I was at a crossroads. It had been another 5 months. It would be easier to be alone than to continue riding this roller coaster with my smitten teenager feelings going crazy all the time.

So, as we were leaving the party, he looks at me and says, “Well, I am going grocery shopping. See ya later.” 

I was done -- so done!

I was mad and hurt and felt like he was toying with me. I didn’t want him to keep giving me hope by showing me attention, but then when it came to something as simple as having coffee, he wouldn’t give me the time of day.

I messaged him and told him to stop texting me. He said, “You’re right. I’ve been a jerk. I will leave you alone.” Boy was that wrong answer as far as I was concerned!  I wanted him to move toward me, not away!

I was so upset I couldn’t sleep. I texted him in the morning and told him I was on the way to his house. Poor guy grew up in an area where people really did hurt each other. He knew I owned a gun, so he thought I was coming to get him. When I get there, I see he’s in genuine fear. It was at that moment that I realized there was more going on with him than I understood.  (I found out later he had been having panic attacks.) We simply talked a little bit. When I left, he gave me a side hug and asked if we were okay. I knew he was not ready, but I didn’t even know for sure if he even liked me.

I kept telling myself that it would be easier to be single. I’m lonely; I should just start dating. That way if he doesn’t come around, fine, at least I’ll be distracted. I wouldn’t be feeling the hopeful highs and then the devastating lows.

That same night I was running our Sunday evening Healing Rooms at church. I was laying on the floor in worship when I clearly heard the Lord ask me three questions:

1)       “Will you love him unconditionally?”

I was thinking, pat me on the back, that’s what I’ve been doing all this time! But then I heard the next question.

2)       “Even if he can’t love you in return?”

Well, that’s not what I wanted to hear. That was clearly my condition.

3)       “Will you act as though things are even though they aren’t yet?” (I may not have said that exactly like He did, but I knew He was calling to my remembrance Romans 4:17.)

Would I act as if God’s word, “He is your husband” was already true even though it hadn’t happened yet? When we stand in faith like that, we call things into being.

For me, I knew that meant no dating. If Gregory was already my husband, would I even think about dating? Of course not. I was also thinking this was going to end up being a 10-year ordeal, like a Joseph-thing. Why else would the Lord ask me those kinds of questions? My heart softened and I gave the Lord my “yes”. In exchange, He gave me this incredible peace on the inside. I would no longer be riding the roller coaster. I’d just be standing in faith and trusting the Lord.

Gregory started communicating more over the next few days. On August 2nd, it was the one-year anniversary of when the Lord spoke to me on the plane. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write him an email and tell him that the Lord had spoken to me about him one year ago on the plane. I didn’t tell him the exact words, but obviously, the intention came through.

Of course, that freaked him out. He knew I was still married on the trip. It wasn’t until the following spring that he even found out I was divorced. He didn’t believe the Lord would speak to a married woman about someone else, so that put up another wall.